Somebody to Love Read online

  She pulled back, eyes a bit dryer and smiled at me. “Getting soaked is the best part.” Giggling, she tilted her head back and spread her arms wide. The rain splattered across her face and spilled down her cheeks. It didn’t even faze her. She just kept smiling.

  Eyes closed, she spun in a slow circle. “I love the way it feels on my skin.”

  I stood, in awe of her, amazed by the joy on her face, in her voice. Most rushed to get out of the rain, it even depressed some. Kirby acted as if it were the best thing in the world. But then, what reason would the sun have to be afraid of a little rain.

  It poured now, and beginnings of small puddles began to form. I laughed as Kirby jumped in one. It didn’t make much of a splash, but it made her happy anyway. “It’s freezing out here. You’re gonna get sick.”

  “It’s the last rain of the season. We should enjoy it.” She kicked at the water with her boots that weren’t made for this weather.

  A loud clap of thunder made her jump and squeal a little. She poked her tongue out at me when I laughed.

  “We really should get inside. A storm is coming.” I took her hand as lightning flashed in the sky and we took off toward my dorm since it was closest.

  We were out of breath when we made it to my dorm, either from running or laughing. Probably both.

  Kirby shivered beside me, hair glued to her face while I unlocked the door. Still she smiled, maybe more than when she was dry.

  My own hair was so soaked it was heavy on my head. Times like this I thought about cutting it low again. I ushered Kirby inside and locked the door behind us. Jayson had mentioned spending the weekend at home, so we had the place all to ourselves, no interruptions.

  “Let me find you something to change into so I can throw your clothes in the dryer.”

  “Kay.” Her body trembled noticeably hard as she stood near the door, eyes surveying the room. Luckily, I’d cleaned up. Not that I kept things messy, but small spaces tended to get cluttered, especially when you had to share it.

  “Wanna watch some Anime while you wait for them to dry? I have that new app. We could binge something.”

  Her bright smile lit up her face and she nodded.

  I grabbed a t-shirt and the smallest pair of pants I could find. Her tiny self would still get swallowed by them. “Here. You can change in the bathroom. Sorry I don’t have anything yellow.”

  “That’s okay.” She happily accepted the clothes and pretty much skipped to the bathroom. She’d come a long way since we first met a few weeks ago. It seemed like the closer we grew the more her personality shined through. She was more open, comfortable to show me more of herself, and I loved everything I saw. My favorite was probably her bubbly goofiness though.

  She emerged from the bathroom a few minutes later holding the strings of my pants. They were tied but it didn’t do much. “These are too big.”

  Why was it that girls looked so good in oversized clothes? She was swimming in the outfit, but couldn’t have been more adorable, or sexy.

  Chuckling, I went to her. “Let me see if I can tie them any tighter.” I took the strings from her and pulled them loose so I could tighten them.

  It hadn’t been my intention, but the looseness gave me a brief peek at her bright yellow panties. I swallowed the lump in my throat and averted my gaze, choosing instead to look at her face while I finished the task. “Too tight?”

  Her eyes were low, trained on my chest as she bit down on her lower lip and shook her head. That caused another lump to form. She made the simplest acts look so sexy and I was positive it wasn’t intentional. I wasn’t sure why that fact made her even more alluring.

  Stepping back, I cleared my throat and tried to shake away my arousal. If I was going to maintain this friendship, I couldn’t look at her that way. And I damn sure couldn’t keep feeling the way I was. I needed to put my feelings in check, and fast. A girl like her was easy to fall for and I couldn’t let that happen.

  “Your hair is still dripping. Let me get you a towel.”

  Her gaze finally lifted to mine and I was immediately trapped by it. My heart tugged over and over again so fast it felt like the organ was having a seizure.

  I tore my gaze away and went to my clean laundry basket for a towel. A few seconds later I was standing in front of her again. I could’ve given her the towel to dry herself. Should’ve. Instead I found myself gently wiping the droplets from the side of her face and neck.

  Her gaze dropped again, only to lift a few seconds later to peek at me. This happened a few more times and I couldn’t help but smile. She was so damn adorable.

  My thumb grazed her cheek and she shivered.

  “Cold?”

  She nodded without looking at me.

  I glanced at my neatly made bed. Stared at it really, so long that Kirby softly called my name. I turned my attention back to her. Those Bambi like eyes were trained on me.

  “Are you okay?”

  I nodded, offered a small smile. “Yeah. Why don’t you hop under the covers to warm up while I get changed?”

  Her already large eyes seemed to expand more as she looked over at the bed.

  I wondered if she were wondering if I were up to something. If she thought maybe this was a ploy for me to make a move on her.

  If only she knew she was too special for that. Too good for cheap tricks. As old school as it sounded, she deserved to be courted. To be someone’s girlfriend. She was worth much more than a roll in the sheets with some guy she’d known a measly few weeks. She deserved hand holding and flowers, walks in the park and poetry. What she didn’t deserve was me.

  While she contemplated my intentions, I shuffled back to my laundry basket, grabbed a change of clothes, then went into the bathroom. There, I leaned against the door, in need of some contemplation of my own.

  What the hell was I doing was the first question I asked myself. I should’ve taken her home. She didn’t need to be anywhere near my dorm, and especially not my bed. Sure, bingeing on anime was completely innocent, or it would’ve been if every part of me didn’t want to pull her close and kiss her delirious.

  I closed my eyes and pushed out a hard breath, wishing again that I’d met her long before now.

  As my thoughts started to drift to past events, ones I didn’t want to think about, I kicked away from the door and pulled off my wet clothes. Once in my dry ones and after I’d dried my hair some, I exited the bathroom before I could sink back into my self-loathing.

  Kirby sat on the bed with her back against the wall, since I didn’t have a headboard. The blanket was pulled up around her shoulders. The only thing that peeked out was her head. When she saw me, she smiled.

  I couldn’t help but do the same, once again at how adorable she looked all snuggled in my bed. A brief thought entered my head of climbing in beside her and hugging her soft, warm body to mine. Once upon a time, back in my virgin days, I would’ve cuddled her so damn good. I quickly pushed it away. Couldn’t go there.

  “I’m gonna throw these in the dryer then we can get into this marathon,” I said picking up her wet clothes from the desk chair and bundling them with mine.

  Her smile grew wider. “Kay.”

  I made quick work of grabbing a handful of quarters from the bowl on my desk then heading to the first-floor laundry area.

  When I made it back, Kirby was just as I’d left her. Well, almost. She’d shifted to the side of the bed closest to the wall, leaving enough space beside her for me to fit. Tempting…but I instead grabbed my desk chair and rolled it to the foot of the bed. I grabbed the remote for my Fire Stick from the nightstand then sat. It wasn’t the most comfortable seat for TV watching, but better this than risk sitting beside her. I wasn’t sure if being that close to her I’d be able to control my innate need to have her in my arms, especially if she went and did something like lay her head on my shoulder the way girls loved to do during movies.

  “What do you want to watch first?” I looked back at her and had to pause. The s
mile she’d worn earlier had faded and she sat with her knees hugged to her chest looking like a sad little kitten.

  While she wasn’t always the best at reading others’ emotions, I don’t think she realized she wore hers on her sleeve. It was the reason I knew she liked me as more than just a friend. Choosing to sit away from her had obviously hurt her feelings, though from experience I knew she’d never express that aloud.

  “Um, Bleach.”

  I opened my Anime app and found the show before glancing at her again. Eyes trained on the TV, same sad expression.

  It weakened me. Seeing her look anything but happy always did. Unable to stand it any longer, I left my seat and went to take the one beside her. Two people could sit in a bed without it leading anywhere, I told myself. I’d done so plenty of times with other girls before now. And it wasn’t that I wanted it to go there. But if she let me, I knew I wouldn’t hesitate to do other things friends didn’t do. Caress her skin, play in her soft hair, explore her sweet lips with mine. All things I fought the urge to do daily.

  When I sat beside her, she straightened her back, eyes wide and on me. It was the way she often reacted when I was this close to her. Excitement dancing in her eyes, yet a nervous energy surrounding her like she was ready to run. That shyness of hers was what always did me in. I wished she’d stop being so damn adorable but at the same time I didn’t because I loved it. It was cute. She was cute. The way she chewed her lip, eyes everywhere but on me. I pondered doing something to tease her. Touch her hand maybe so that little dimple would peek out. I resisted the urge though.

  I sat perfectly still, making sure not an inch of us was touching. It wasn’t easy considering how small a twin-size bed was. Kirby didn’t seem to notice. With her knees pulled to her chest, she focused intently on the episode playing.

  A couple hours into our binge session she’d changed positions, laying with her head at the foot of the bed, propped up on her arms. Not too long after that she was out like a light. I decided to let her sleep for a while then I’d drop her off at Esme’s.

  During Kirby’s nap, I spent my time either enthralled in the TV, which I’d changed to One Punch Man, or thinking about the gorgeous woman beside me.

  I found myself wondering how long I could continue to deny my heart what it wanted. It was beginning to cause physical pain being so close to her all the time and not having her the way I wanted her. I’d made mental lists repeatedly of everything that could go wrong, and it always outweighed the one of what could go right.

  I’d begun to wonder if befriending her had been a mistake. I’d believed I could handle it, but maybe I couldn’t. Maybe I couldn’t handle any of this adult shit. Choices were too hard and regrets too plentiful.

  Kids spent their adolescence wishing to grow up, but all I wanted to do was turn back the hands of time. I was in desperate need of a big red restart button.

  That was the thing about Kirby though. She made me feel like that was a possibility. Sometimes I wondered if she was that button. My second chance to do things right and not mess up this time around.

  I sighed and leaned my head back to try to clear it of its muddled thoughts. The door squeaked open and in walked Jayson. He crossed the room to his bed while eyeing Kirby. He lifted a brow at me but said nothing.

  I frowned at his intrusion. Yeah, it was his room too, but if ever I walked in and he had Gabi over, I did an about face. Sure, it was for reasons other than courtesy, but still I never invaded in his space when he had company.

  It didn’t feel right having her here with him there, so I clicked off the TV, scooted up on the bed, and gently shook Kirby.

  She stirred after a minute and looked up at me with sleepy eyes. “Hi,” she said softly.

  “Hey, Sunshine. Time to get up.” I brushed her hair back from her face, causing her dimple to surface.

  She covered up a yawn then pushed herself up slowly. Her eyes went wide when they landed on Jayson, then she looked over at me with a questioning expression, which I didn’t acknowledge.

  Standing from the bed, I grabbed my shoes. “Our clothes should be dry by now.”

  Jayson’s brow again lifted at my statement. His gaze went to Kirby as she stood from the bed also, raking down her body. It wasn’t in a sexual way, but still it filled me with unease. What the hell was his problem?

  After Kirby had on her shoes, I led her downstairs. She walked beside me with her hands in her pockets, occasionally glancing at me.

  I lifted a brow in question the next time she did.

  “That was your roommate.”

  It sounded more like a statement, but I nodded anyway.

  “The one with the girlfriend you used to…”

  Another statement.

  “Yeah. I went to housing to see if they could assign me someone else, but spaces are limited so…”

  As we reached the laundry area, she tapped her index fingers to her lips. “It might not be so bad. Maybe you’ll become friends.”

  It might’ve come off as rude, but I scoffed at her statement. Me and Jayson Adams friends? No thanks. “I have enough friends.”

  I kissed my teeth when I reached the machine I’d used and noticed someone had removed the clothes. Had probably used up my time too.

  I snatched the clothes from the top of the machine and tossed them back in. They were mostly dry but could use a few more minutes. Digging in my pocket for more quarters, I shook my head. I really hated sharing living space with other people. People were assholes.

  After I started the dryer, Kirby hopped up on top of it. “How many?”

  I frowned at her random question. “How many what?”

  “Friends do you have, silly.”

  Slowly, I leaned against the dryer beside her. I’d always considered myself to be an outgoing guy. Had plenty of people I talked to, studied with, even kicked it with from time to time, but thinking about it now, not one would I consider a friend. I’d never call any of them in a time of need, confide about anything personal, or feel comfortable loaning more than a couple dollars to.

  The answer to her question, the gravity of it, hit me in the gut like an iron fist. I glanced at her awaiting my response patiently then gave a shrug with nonchalance that I didn’t feel. “Just you.”

  Her brow creased, and her bright eyes dimmed a little. “I’m your only friend?”

  I nodded.

  She twisted her lips, putting on her thinking face. Her eyes were bright again when she looked over at me. “Does that mean I’m your best friend?”

  I smiled instantly. “Best in the world.”

  We talked for another ten minutes, mostly about nothing, while waiting for the clothes. Then we went back up to change with Jayson, luckily, paying us no attention this time.

  It didn’t take long to drop Kirby off at Esme’s, so I was back in only forty minutes. It was still early so I decided to get in some leisure reading.

  Jayson had apparently decided the same, or similar really, and sat on the bed engrossed in one of his text books.

  “Sooo...is she the one who’s ‘just pussy’?”

  My head jerked up and I narrowed my eyes at him. “Excuse me?”

  The glare I was giving him didn’t seem to have an effect because he continued staring me in the eye. “Couldn’t help but overhear your brothers mention it the other day.”

  For a long minute I stared at him then let out a dry chuckle. “You’ve barely spoken to me since you moved in and the first conversation you decide to start is about shit that’s none of your concern?”

  He set his book aside and sat up straight, moving to the edge of the bed. “Look, I’m not trying to get in your business–”

  “Then don’t.”

  He sighed. “I can’t in good conscious not say anything. I don’t know that girl, but no one deserves to be used. And by Gabi’s account, she seems to really like you.”

  Now I put my own book down. “Gabi? So now both of ya’ll are in my business? What’s that, some typ
e of couple’s activity?” I scoffed. “Thanks for the concern, but I’m gonna decline life advice from an asshole and the chick that left me for one.”

  He pushed out another deep sigh and ran his palm over his head and down his face. “I admit I made a lot of stupid mistakes when it came to Gabi. Sometimes I wake up wondering if I deserve her. Maybe I can be an asshole, but one thing I’d never do is some shit like your brothers were talking. It’s foul.”

  Shaking his head, he sat back again. After a minute his eyes left me, but the look in them was undeniable. Disgust.

  The same shame that filled me when I thought about my initial plans for Kirby surfaced. I sat letting his words stew, occasionally glancing in his direction. I didn’t owe him an explanation, and I shouldn’t have cared what he thought. Maybe I just needed to confess the truth to someone, anyone, because a minute later I found myself doing just that to someone I’d once considered the enemy.

  “That’s not what Kirby is. At least, not now.”

  Jayson looked at me with his brow raised. “So, what was with all that shit your brothers said?”

  I dropped my gaze to my book. “That’s what she was supposed to be. When we first met, I was in a bad place. That’s no excuse, and I feel like shit over it.”

  “You should.”

  I cut my eyes at him.

  “Sorry. Continue.”

  “That night at Werk, I had no idea how special she was.”

  “What made you change your mind?”

  I shook my head slowly. “It just felt wrong. She wasn’t like the other girls I’ve been with. Not that it was right to do it to them. I never preyed on anyone though, never made it out to be anything more than sex. With Kirby though, just looking at her, I knew she was worth more than that.”

  “So, they are true.”

  I raised my gaze, brows furrowed. “What?”

  “Those rumors I heard. I don’t really pay attention to gossip, but I wondered, because of what Gabi told me. Thought you were like the campus virgin or something.”

  My gaze again roamed downward. “That was a long time ago.”

  I could feel his stare on me but refused to acknowledge it. In this case he didn’t need further elaboration. The rumors though, concerned me. If they were getting around I wondered how long before Kirby got ear. Wondered how she’d feel about me if she knew of the disastrous phase. Her circle was small though, only containing Esme, so maybe I’d get lucky and she’d never find out.